Who Can Leaders Talk To When They Need Support?
Happy Boss's Day!
I have never liked the term "boss." It often makes me think of someone who gives orders, exercises authority, and expects people to follow. A leader, on the other hand, understands that leadership isn't about a title or position—it's about earning trust, building genuine relationships, and caring about the people you're responsible for leading.
On Boss's Day, let’s ask a question about the people we recognize: Who do they turn to when they need support? October 16 gives us a reason to thank a leader. [1] It also gives us a chance to consider whether that person has someone they can approach when they are unsure, discouraged, or facing a difficult decision.
If you are that leader, start with the kind of help you need. You may need someone who can change a workload, someone who understands the responsibility, or someone who will help you examine your own thinking. Matching the conversation to the right person is a useful first step.
The Center for Creative Leadership's guidance on mentoring and sponsorship notes that support networks matter for all leaders, with particular attention to the barriers women face. [7] I recommend building a small circle of trusted relationships over time. Give each relationship a clear purpose, and make room to support the other person too.
Your own manager may be the right person when you need clearer priorities, resources, or a decision about what can wait. Bring a specific question. You might explain which commitments are competing for your team's time and ask for help deciding what takes priority. This is a conversation about the support needed to do the job responsibly.
A trusted peer outside your reporting line can be someone to think with. Look for someone who understands responsibility, respects privacy, and asks questions before offering an answer. Start with a situation you can appropriately discuss and notice how they handle it. Allow trust to develop through experience.
A mentor may be helpful when you are entering unfamiliar territory. You might ask how they learned to handle a difficult transition or what they wish they had understood earlier. Choose someone whose conduct you respect and who makes room for circumstances different from their own. Their experience can inform your judgment while the decision remains yours.
A professional coach is another option when you want structured time to examine your thinking or practice a leadership skill. Before beginning, ask about confidentiality, its limits, and what information would be shared with an employer paying for the coaching. The International Coaching Federation's current ethics code requires covered professionals to establish agreements addressing these matters. [8]
Keep people in your life who know you beyond your work. Make time to talk with a friend or loved one about how you are doing, while protecting private workplace information. Make space in those relationships for interests and conversations that have nothing to do with being in charge.
Whatever relationship you choose, be clear about the help you are asking for. An invitation could be as simple as, "I am working through a leadership challenge and would value your perspective. Could we set aside some time to talk?" You can explain whether you want advice, a thoughtful question, or someone to listen before you decide what to do next.
Organizations can make these connections easier to establish. Introduce new leaders to experienced colleagues. Protect time for development conversations. When coaching is offered, make the boundaries clear. Follow up to ask whether the support is useful and what is still missing.
This Boss's Day, choose one person you would feel comfortable approaching and make a specific request. If a productive conversation follows, agree on when you will speak again. There is no universal formula for a support circle, and the right relationships will take time to build. Leadership was never meant to be a solo journey. Give yourself permission to begin a conversation.
