We Have Never Been More Connected. So Why Are We Struggling to Connect?

A few days ago, I wrote about the disconnect between Gen Z and previous generations and why I believe leaders need to spend less time criticizing younger employees and more time trying to understand the world that shaped them.

But there is another part of this conversation that goes well beyond Gen Z.

Technology has made communication easier than at any other time in human history. I'm just not convinced it has made us better at communicating.

Think about how much has changed during our lifetimes. The iPhone didn't exist until 2007. Today, smartphones are everywhere. We have tablets, text messaging, social media, Zoom, Teams and countless other ways to communicate with someone without ever sitting across from them.

Those technologies have accomplished some incredible things. They allow families separated by thousands of miles to see one another. They allow organizations to build teams across the world. They kept businesses operating and families connected during COVID. I spent more than two decades leading remote teams, so I certainly understand the value of technology.

Technology isn't the enemy.

But I do believe we need to acknowledge what we may have lost along the way.

Look Around the Restaurant

Go into almost any restaurant and look around. You may see something we've become so accustomed to that we barely notice it anymore.

A family of four is sitting together. Four people who intentionally went somewhere to share a meal and spend time together. Yet one person is checking a phone. Another is scrolling through social media. One of the kids is watching something on a tablet. Maybe everyone is doing some version of it.

They are physically together, but are they actually together?

I'm not suggesting this describes every family or every meal. It doesn't. But most of us have witnessed some version of it, and probably participated in it ourselves.

That's what makes this bigger than Gen Z.

Technology didn't simply change younger people. It changed all of us.

Research has even found that the mere presence of a mobile device during a face-to-face conversation can negatively affect feelings of closeness, connection and the perceived quality of the conversation. Meanwhile, Pew Research found that 46% of teenagers said a parent is at least sometimes distracted by a phone when the teen is trying to talk to them.

Read that last part again.

We sometimes criticize young people for being attached to technology while they're telling researchers that we're looking at our phones when they're trying to talk to us.

Maybe this isn't simply a Gen Z problem.

Maybe it's a human problem.

We Have Slowly Replaced Conversation With Convenience

Technology gives us something human beings love: convenience. Why walk down the hall when I can send you a message? Why call when I can text? Why meet when we can jump on Teams? Why have an uncomfortable face-to-face conversation when I can carefully construct an email?

Every individual decision makes perfect sense.

But collectively, I believe there has been a cost.

Some of the most important parts of human communication don't fit neatly into a text message or an email. Facial expressions matter. Tone matters. Body language matters. Silence matters. Sometimes the look on someone's face tells you more than the words coming out of their mouth.

And relationships require something technology cannot manufacture for us: intentional human connection.

We don't learn how to navigate difficult conversations by avoiding them. We don't develop empathy by communicating exclusively through screens. We don't learn how to read a room if we're never in the room.

Those abilities develop through practice.

Now Put Yourself in Gen Z's Shoes

This is where I think previous generations need a little humility.

Many members of Gen Z grew up with smartphones, tablets, social media and digital communication as normal parts of everyday life. Pew reported in 2024 that 95% of U.S. teenagers had access to a smartphone, and nearly half said they were online almost constantly.

Then COVID happened.

For some members of Gen Z, the pandemic arrived during high school, college or the first years of adulthood—the very years when they would normally have been developing independence, navigating friendships, learning how to handle conflict and becoming more comfortable interacting with people outside their families.

Schools closed. Campuses emptied. Sports and activities stopped. Churches closed their doors. Internships disappeared or went virtual. Birthday parties, graduations and countless ordinary social experiences were canceled.

And the technology that was already becoming a major part of their lives suddenly became one of their primary connections to the outside world.

A systematic review examining 96 studies involving people ages 10 to 25 found that COVID disruptions negatively affected peer relationships, with many studies reporting increased loneliness and increased social media use as a way of maintaining communication and connection. Researchers have also cautioned that the long-term social consequences are still being studied.

So think about what we're asking of these young adults today.

We want them to walk into our organizations and immediately understand how to build professional relationships, read a room, receive difficult feedback, navigate conflict, communicate face-to-face and build trust with people who may be decades older than they are.

Then, when they struggle with some of those things, what do we sometimes do?

We criticize them.

Maybe We're Expecting Experience They Never Had the Opportunity to Get

This is the part that bothers me.

Older generations had decades of opportunities to develop interpersonal skills before technology became what it is today. Many of us learned relationships the old-fashioned way because there wasn't another option.

We talked.

We argued.

We reconciled.

We sat through uncomfortable conversations.

We learned to look people in the eye.

We learned that sometimes you had to work beside someone you didn't particularly like and figure out how to make the relationship work anyway.

Nobody sent us to a seminar to learn those things. Life taught us.

Then we handed the next generation smartphones and tablets, built much of their social world around technology, watched a pandemic remove enormous amounts of face-to-face interaction during critical years, and now we're frustrated because some of them aren't as comfortable with interpersonal relationships as we think they should be.

Maybe they don't need our criticism. Maybe they need our experience.

This Is Where Leadership Comes In

This is one of the reasons I spend so much time in my keynotes, workshops and books talking about genuine relationships.

Leadership has always been about people. But I believe today's leaders have an additional responsibility: we have to become intentional about creating human connection where it once happened naturally.

That might mean putting the phone away and actually talking to someone. It might mean having more frequent one-on-one conversations that aren't simply about metrics and performance. It might mean mentoring younger employees instead of complaining about them. It might mean teaching someone how to navigate a difficult conversation rather than sending another email.

And sometimes it may simply mean sitting across from another human being and getting to know them.

No agenda. No PowerPoint. No Teams notification popping up.

Just two people talking.

We Can't Ask Gen Z to Build the Bridge Alone

I don't believe we should lower expectations for Gen Z. I don't believe we should excuse poor communication, lack of accountability or an unwillingness to develop interpersonal skills.

Quite the opposite.

Teach them.

Coach them.

Challenge them.

Give them opportunities to practice.

But have enough patience to understand that some are developing skills that previous generations had very different opportunities to practice.

And perhaps while we're teaching them something, we should be humble enough to recognize that they might have something to teach us too.

Technology isn't going away, nor should it. The question is whether we will control how technology fits into our relationships or allow technology to control them.

Because being connected to someone isn't the same thing as having a connection with them.

There is a difference.

And if we genuinely believe younger generations need stronger relationship skills, then those of us who have spent decades developing those skills have a responsibility to help.

Don't complain about the gap if you're unwilling to help close it.

That's not a Gen Z responsibility.

That's leadership.