Where You Lead First...

Leadership starts at home.

Early on in my career, I was eager to prove myself.

I wanted people to look at me and see someone they could count on, someone who was special.

I wanted to be the guy they asked when they needed someone to carry more. I wanted to stand out from the crowd.

I wanted the leaders above me to know I was serious about my work. I was committed, and I was ready for what was next, regardless the cost.

Ambition is a good thing.

But ambition without perspective can become poisonous.

Especially for young men who have wives and children at home.

The company you work for will demand every hour you’re willing to give. They’ll praise your sacrifice. Reward your availability. And they’ll convince you you’re important because you’re always saying yes.

But your family incurs a cost every time you say yes to your job and no to them.

Your wife can feel isolated as you pursue approval from a group of people who can replace you tomorrow if they want.

Your kids can grow up only knowing your back as you leave for work each day, or in my case, the airport. And you can't get those years of them crawling in your lap, wanting the next book read or the next hug back. I know that all too well and would trade anything to have those opportunities back.

You can convince yourself you’re providing for your family while you slowly become absent from the lives of those you say you’re doing it all for.

I’ve been there.

In fact, I thought this very thing for years.

I believed that to be a good leader at work, I had to show up early and leave late. I had to carry the workload of others. I had to push myself harder than everyone else. And I had to prove to my bosses that I could be counted on no matter what.

But true leadership isn’t about proving yourself to your colleagues. It’s not about how much of yourself you can give to your company.

True leadership is measured by whether or not your loved ones receive the best version of you.

Your family is your number one priority.

Nothing you do for work matters if you come home to a family that resents your time away.

No title is worth earning if you become a stranger to the people who need you most.

And there is no promotion worth the death of your family’s spirit as they slowly come to expect your absence or your wife mates herself to someone who never shows up.

Sure, your job is important.

Your responsibility to them is important.

And seeking excellence should never be compromised.

But your family comes first.

If you’re a young man trying to find your way in the world of business, I’ve walked enough of this road to give you some advice:

Be ambitious.

Work hard.

Continue to grow.

And become a great leader.

Just make sure you lead equally as great at home.

Because leadership at work will never trump leadership at home when it comes to your family.

One day, the meetings will end.

The titles won’t matter anymore.

And the company you gave your blood, sweat, and tears to will move on with the next guy they can exploit.

But when that day comes, your family will be there to answer one question.

“How did you lead them?”

It won’t be about how many people were wowed by your work.

It will be, “Did the people who mattered most to you know they mattered most?”

That, my friend, is what leadership is.

And it all starts at home.