Why Leadership Can Feel Lonely

With Boss's Day coming up on October 16, I think we should reflect on who holds the position. [1] We can admire someone for their ability to lead and wonder if they have adequate support around them. They can have people around them all day long and wonder at the end of the day whom they can confide in.

If you recognize that feeling, the question is worth taking seriously. You may have people who need your decisions, your time, and your reassurance. What you may be missing is a relationship where you can work through your own uncertainty without feeling that you must immediately provide the answer.

To a large degree, I think that is what loneliness looks like in leadership. Not having the support you need around the things you are responsible for. Knowing your calendar is packed wouldn't give me that answer. Do you have someone you can call at the end of the day and talk to honestly?

In Gallup's 2026 findings, senior leaders reported feeling lonelier than individual contributors. These were identified as managers of managers. They also identified a trend in the United States that showed leaders felt less negative emotion on a daily basis than their subordinates. It's something to remember as we look at our own organizations here in the US. [2]

A study published in 2024 in The Leadership Quarterly stated that there were flaws in the research. For example, "loneliness" was associated with all types of loneliness, not specifically tied to leaders. [3] I think this lets us dig deeper. I don't think we should jump to conclusions about what someone feels as a leader.

There are understandable reasons a leader's relationships may become more complicated. Gallup points to greater social distance from colleagues and the weight of difficult decisions. [2] Consider a manager preparing to discuss a performance concern. That manager needs to think carefully about the conversation while protecting the employee's privacy. Choosing whom to consult takes judgment.

My concern is what happens when a leader turns that need for judgment into a rule that everything must be handled alone. My advice is to separate the information that must be protected from the support they can appropriately seek. A discussion about how to approach a difficult conversation may be possible without sharing private details about an employee.

I also encourage leaders to look at how they respond when someone offers help. Are you willing to admit that you are still thinking through a decision? Can you listen to a different view without feeling that your authority is being challenged? Those are useful questions to explore with someone whose judgment you trust.

Organizations should make support part of the leadership role itself. Give managers regular opportunities to discuss challenges with their own leader. Make time for peers to learn from one another. Ask about the work that is difficult to carry, then agree on practical help. That could mean clearer priorities, access to advice, or a conversation that has been missing.

As Boss's Day approaches, I hope we will include those questions in our appreciation. If you lead other leaders, ask who they turn to when they need perspective. If you are the person carrying a difficult issue, think about one appropriate person you could approach this week.

Leadership is about people, and the person doing the leading belongs in that conversation. We should expect leaders to care for others while also making room for them to receive care, guidance, and honest feedback. That is the kind of human-centered leadership we need to practice throughout the year.